Rewind Review: Big Rigs Over the Road Racing

What makes something a video game? Well whatever it is, Big Rigs Over the Road Racing fails at being one. In fact, this game fails on every level of creation, from concept to execution that if you were to hand it in as a high school programming assignment, you would be kicked out of the class forever.

Conceptually, Big Rigs is already bad. It is supposed to be a racing game in which you race semi-trucks. Yes, famously high speed semi-trucks. What Big Rigs actually gives you is the chance to repeatedly see a grammatically incorrect victory screen. There is no actual racing in Big Rigs Over the Road Racing because the A.I. just sits there the entire time. They will never move. You could drive half a mile per hour and you’ll still get a decisive victory every single time. In fact, you barely have to drive. Your truck will clip through everything. There is no need to even attempt to maneuver through the tracks because you can’t crash. Apparently all the trucks in Big Rigs are ghost trucks because they can phase through everything. Sometimes you’ll even go right through the road and into the purgatorial hell that is the outer boundaries of the level.

Even under the scenario that there was no clipping and the A.I. decided to do literally anything, Big Rigs would still fail at being a racing game. Driving big rig tucks should feel heavy. There should be weight to them. According to Big Rigs Over the Road Racing though, driving a big rig is akin to driving a finger skateboard with butter on the wheels. Wherever you drive in this game, whether it be on road, off road, inside a house, or in the ether, it never feels like your wheels are touching the ground. None of this matters of course because like I said, you’re never actually racing and you don’t have to even try to drive well. Should you be a masochist and chose to play this, you’re time will be spent driving a phantom big rig through bland and ugly environments until you reach the finish line where you will then be met with a screen that declares, “You’re Winner !” all the while you’re competition will sit at the starting line for eternity.

There are bad games that are so bad, they’re good. Those games badness still offers some modicum of entertainment in revealing in the mistakes that were made. Big Rigs is not one of those. There are bad games that had a good concept but just couldn’t nail the execution. Big Rigs is not one of those. There are bad games that could have been good if they were given a bit more time. Big Rigs is not one of those. Big Rigs is of a rare class of bad game. A game that is so bad on every conceivable level that it should be buried in a hole in the desert. This is a game so bad, I struggle to call it a game. This is a game so bad that I’m almost positive there’s at least one person who played this and then never played another video game again. This is a game so bad that the act of playing it could be used to get prisoners of war to give up information. What makes something a video game? The developers of Big Rigs Over the Road Racing certainly didn’t know.

Rating: To Even Compare This to Paddington 2 Would be an Insult to Not Only Paddington but to Every Other Piece of Art We’ve Ever Compared to It, Even the Bad Ones.

This review used our old rating system, The Paddington Scale. To learn more please read this post

Published by Matt Fresh

30% Water, 70% James Bond movies. Matt is a writer, gamer, film enthusiast & silly person. The winner of various fictitious awards, he's fluent in English & pop culture references.

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